out of my life...

Packed up baby stuff in nursery today, or tried to. I want it out of my house and out of my life. If the one thing I'm asking for isn't possible, there is no reason why I am going to be tortured. I just want to know why. How could God be so cruel? What did I do to deserve this? Was I a bad child? Did I make someone angry or commit a crime and require punishment? What did I do that was so bad?...